They deleted a year’s worth of my work!

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When I was checking out my blog, I realized that all of my blogs from 2022 were deleted.
I was livid. F**cking furious.
To the point that the heat coursing through my veins almost made me break a sweat.
…Then I checked my backup files.
That anger quickly turned into confusion when I realized the only person to blame was me.

Turns out nothing was deleted or taken from me.
I just actually never wrote one blog in the entire year of 2022.
I could have sworn I did!
But no, these were just all of my ideas that I never followed through with.

But let me tell you, my life was much more active then my blog!

Here are the cliff notes:
It started with receiving a pay raise + finally health insurance from my job of over 5 years.
Made a very special romantic connection with a man.
Watched one of my badass sisters give birth naturally to her first born child, while our mom delivered her first grandbaby, and our father cut the cord. Our two other sisters took turns with massages, the music playlist, and setting up the phone where I could still be in the room via FaceTime. That was one of the most powerful spiritual experiences of my life. I fell deeper in love with my family.

With a full heart, heartbreak soon followed from a connection that was apparently not so special.
I then became the most physically active I’ve ever been, plus dancing 4x a week!
The power of this rejection was that the sadness created a fire within me, where change was needed.

I resigned from my remote job of 5+ years.
I took a 7 week trip with one of my best friends to Dubai, Greece, Croatia, Montenegro, Italy and Seattle.
That trip was life changing. Total bliss.
But what goes up must come down, and then I return home; jobless.
And the consistent 7 week dopamine high from traveling, meeting new people and having new experiences was crashing.
Finally after a month of depression I found a job I’m actually interested in.
I got the job and it’s going great.
The biggest change was having to physically show up for work AND be face to face to people.
Honestly though, that’s what I asked for! I’m a people person and I missed it. But damn, it’s also draining. 

I finished out the year keeping my head down and working as much as I could.
Plus I really needed it too. I don’t recommend traveling for a lengthy amount of time with no income, no job to return to while still collecting monthly bills- but I have no regrets!

As we enter the new year I’m still working nonstop but in an unhealthy manner.
As in I haven’t been taking care of myself.
I wasn’t working out, barely dancing, always tired, barely cooking and eating too many carbs (not good for epileptics). And started eating candy?? (even worse, carbs on crack) 

I knew it was a matter of time before I would get sick. But my procrastination kept saying “tomorrow is the day I will work out, meal prep, meditate, and become the best version of myself.”
Girl please.

I slipped on some rocks at the river and both knees caught me causing serious bruising and limiting my walking and range of motion.
That didn’t stop me. I rubbed some arnica, popped some ibuprofen and slid a knee brace on each knee.
Three weeks later my knees still haven’t recovered but they are much better.

Though I physically couldn’t, I was running.
Running from my thoughts, my dreams, my projects, my reality in general.
I became disconnected from a part of myself.
When in this state you should never entertain the idea of a toxic person from the past coming back into your life. Well I did, and immediately was reminded why I disconnected from this person in the first place.
They will come when you are weak.

Then a chest cold decided to take over me. I thought I could knock it out in two days and get back to work but it kept getting stronger and it finally got me to pause, to slow down, to finally stop.
I disconnected from all the distractions and tuned in to my soul.

Being temporarily sick is never fun, but I see mine as a blessing in disguise.

I’m single, live alone, and don’t live in an area with doordash.
I am my caretaker.
This brings me back into the kitchen to do one of the things I love most; cooking.
Food is medicine and I love prepping fresh produce and herbs to create delicious healing meals.
This was a week of soup, hot tea and hot baths.

While in my recovery, it’s as though the layers of bullshit began to peel away and I could see clearly for the first time in some time.
I felt that familiar fire of my soul start to spark up again.
And as the elimination of my cold began so did the external elimination of all that didn’t serve me well.
Out with the sugar, out with the excuses, out with self sabotage, out with the toxic people.

After all, I’m the only one to blame for when my actions don’t line up with my thoughts.

Happy New Year everyone.
May you be blessed with good health, genuine love, delicious food and loved ones you can share laughter with and cultivate beautiful memories. 

Bring in the goodness!

Stay in touch <3

'Coming Back to the Light' 9"x10" Acrylic on Paper